Submitting to a Soul Search

Is it weird to be known better by someone else than you know yourself?

Photo by  Jeremy Bishop  on  Unsplash

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Part of the journal prompt for June reminds us that “we can unpack difficult scripture passages by recording and observing in our journals.”  My initial perception of “difficult scriptures” would be those that seem hard to understand or “above my head.”  I’m happy to think about how I can break down parts of a scripture by writing it down, doing some research, asking the Holy Spirit for insight and then journaling through all of that in my effort to understand it.

However, when I look at Psalm 139, I do not personally see anything that is “hard to understand” no matter how I slice it.  The difficulty of this chapter for me at times is that I DO understand what it means, but I DON’T always like it.  WOW’s June journal prompt reminds me that God knows me better than I know myself.  This realization can prompt me to sit before Him asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any grievous ways so that I can confess them in writing and allow God to forgive me and lead me in the way everlasting.  This is all good…except when I don’t want to think about how I’m grieving the Holy Spirit and I panic a little knowing that I can’t get away from Him. 

This reminds me of a trip my husband and I took to Hawaii for our 30th Anniversary several years ago.  I have a sweet friend who’s lived there for most of her life who allowed us to stay on her beachfront property on the North Shore of Oahu for a week… literally a few feet from the ocean.  Sounds amazing, right?  It really was; however, for the first two nights, I struggled to sleep.  The incessant sound of the waves was overwhelming, and they NEVER stopped.  No ear plugs or stack of pillows over my head let me escape the reality of the waves, and it was a little rough for a few days.  By the third night, my brain decided it was OK to sleep by the ocean, and by the end of the week, I LOVED it.

This is how I can be with the knowledge that I get from Psalm 139. The passage explains that there’s never been a moment since before I was conceived (Nope… I don’t remember that) that God was not fully aware of everything about me.  It goes on to tell me that there is NOWHERE I can go to avoid His Spirit.  I’m an open book to Him!  A further look at the Holy Spirit helps me to understand that He illuminates God’s Word, truth and glory. 

Whenever I sin or even try to close my eyes to this light (like I did when trying to shut out the sound of the waves), it grieves the Spirit (Ephesians 4:30, Acts 7:51).  The Holy Spirit serves and speaks what He hears from the Father (John 16).  He’s my direct connection to God that is always there.  I have to be honest and say that at first glance, this is just a little irritating to me, because I want certain things to just be my business.  But, as I learn more of God’s Love and unbelievable Eternal plan that includes me… even though He does know EVERYTHING about me... I actually end up LOVING this whole concept (just like I eventually loved the “incessant” sound of the waves).

When I surrender to the knowledge that He knows me better than I know myself and is ALWAYS there, and then I think about the POWER that I have because of that, I can honestly agree with the Psalmist. He actually seems giddy in 139:6 when he says, “… it’s too wonderful --  I can’t take it in.” (The Message).  Only then can I really go into the confession part of Psalm 139 in verses 23-24 with a better attitude instead of with a chip on my shoulder. 

“Search me O God and know my heart.  Try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”   Psalm 139: 23-24 

I really do want to be led into the way everlasting with my grievous ways cleared up – don’t you?  So bravely journal about this scripture and see what the Spirit shows you!


--  Shelly Mountjoy © May 2019